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Battle of the Beauties: Gaming’s Hottest Female Characters Face Off!

Twitter vs. Facebook. Pepsi vs. Cola. Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla. Seriously, comparisons are awesome. But you know what’s even better? Comparing dimes. Yep, all guys do it. Even when said dimes are pixelated and can’t love you back. Here’s a list of some of the hottest ones in gaming. Don’t front, you know it was on your mind, too.

Mai Shiranui (Fatal Fury series) vs. Chun-Li (Street Fighter series)

Breasts or legs? That’s seriously the question at hand when dealing with these femme fatales. If you want the strongest woman in the world, well, there’s no question where you stand (Chun-Li). But if you like your girls to have a little more fire in their personality, literally, then Mai is the way to go. Personally, we’ll take ‘em both. Hey, that’s we roll.

Claire Redfield (Resident Evil series) vs. Jill Valentine, (Resident Evil series)

We’re not going to lie. If there was a zombie apocalypse going on, we’d be total bitches. That’s why having a dime who can save our asses is more than just a turn on, it’s self-preservation. But which zombie killer to pick?

Well, both have the mini-skirt/biker shorts going for them, revealing plenty of leg, so that’s good. And both would look smokin’ hot with a pony tail. Well, being that Jill took on a tyrant in her own game and is the “master of unlocking locks,” which could come in handy if we locked our dumbasses out of our apartments, we’re going to go with her. Plus, she doesn’t have an older brother (that we know of), who could kick our asses. Can’t say the same about Ms. Redfield.

Princess Peach (Mario universe) vs. Princess Daisy, (Mario universe)

The tomboy or the high maintenance girl? That’s what we’re dealing with when it comes to Princess Daisy and Princess Peach. They’re both pretty hot, in a princess sort of way. But we don’t think we’d go out of our way to rescue either of them if they were trapped in another castle. So, we guess we’ll just have to judge them by how they treat their boyfriends.

Princess Peach is a total tease, and keeps winding up getting “kidnapped” by Bowser. Oh, and we still don’t know where all those Bowser children came from (skank). And Princess Daisy, well, she’s Luigi’s girl. But she was formerly Mario’s girl in Super Mario Land. So, yeah, sloppy seconds. Hmm, well, we guess the latter ain’t SO bad. Princess Daisy it is then.

Tina (Dead or Alive) vs. Rainbow Mika (Street Fighter Alpha 3)

Let’s give it up for the grapplers of the group. Seriously, who WOULDN’T like to be manhandled by these bouncy babes? Tina is hot, even amongst pixelated swimsuit models (DOA: Xtreme Beach Volleyball), and R. Mika can hold her own, even against Zangief.

But now that we have Zangief in her heads, we can’t get him out. Ewe, we’re seriously going to think about him whenever we think of R Mika now. All that chest hair and…uch, SHIN hair. Yuck, R. Mika, just yuck! Tina it is then. We have to take a shower now.

Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

The independent ladies. Neither of them would want our broke asses, but if they did (hey, it’s our list), who would we choose? Well, Samus rocks a nifty suit and has a move that’s literally called the “screw attack.” And Ms. Croft wields dual guns (drool), and is super flexible. Oh, and she was portrayed by Angelina Jolie in a movie. Twice. It’s close, but we’re going to have to give it to Lara Croft. Sorry, Samus. We’ll always have Brinstar.

Sofia (Battle Arena Toshinden) vs. Ivy Valentine (Soulcaliber series)

For those living Rihanna’s song, “S&M” for real, there’s Sofia and Ivy, two dominatrixes who don’t feel bad about whipping out their, er, whips. Sure, we’re big fans of Ivy’s top-heaviness, but there’s a difference between scary hot, and “scary” hot, and Ivy is definitely the latter. Though Sophia kinda looks like shit today, we’re going to have to go with her. At least her whip doesn’t come with blades!

Cortana (Halo series) vs. GLaDOS (Portal series)

Sure, neither the cake, nor these babes are real, but sometimes phone sex is the best sex of all (yeah, we went there). Hearing these ladies talk gives us a special feeling…in our crotches, but which of them would we rather hear talk dirty to us. Well, GLaDOS, for all her jokes and put downs, still has that weird, jerky, robotic voice to her, while Cortana sounds like a human being. So yep, Cortana it is. We still love you, GLaD!

Kitana (Mortal Kombat series) vs. Taki (Soulcaliber series)

Female ninjas are glorious. There’s just something about the idea of one of them sneaking into our digs, unannounced, that’s just smoking hot. Let’s not think about the part where they slit our throats for gwap and only think about the good stuff, alright?

Kitana is as deadly as she is beautiful, and Taki is hot, face mask on or off. But who do we prefer? We can’t decide on this one! They’re both super hot. Like Chun-Li and Mai, we’ll take ‘em both this time. Same reason applies. That’s just how we roll.

Tifa Lockhart (Final Fantasy VII) vs. Aerith Gainsborough (Final Fantasy VII)

While some of you out there are probably saying, “What?! No contest, dawg! Tifa by a mil!” Just hold on a minute. They’re not as far apart in hotness as you think. You seriously have to weigh their qualities, and Aerith has a lot.

First, we wouldn’t mind bringing Aerith home to mama dukes. She’s already dressed the part. Second, she’s a spiritual type, and we’ve been feeling kind of holy lately ever since we channel surfed past that church thingy on that weird station. And third, she’s actually pretty attractive. Look at that hair. Yeah, it’s nice.

You know what, we have enough leg flashing, big boobed hotties on this list. We’re going with Aerith, dammit! Don’t front. You know you’d like to put your arm around her at the movies.

Morrigan (Darkstalkers) vs. Agent Rayne (Bloodrayne)

And finally, we have the sexy goth girls you were too afraid to ask out in high school. Morrigan is, well, just so hot and so is Agent Rayne. Typically, when we have a hard time deciding who to pick, we just pick both, but nope, not this time, and for one major factor.

We’ve SEEN what Agent Rayne does to those she doesn’t like. And while the straddling is pretty nice, the, uh, aftermath isn’t so pretty. Morrigan looks harmless. So Morrigan it is. And her pal, Felicia, too. She’s definitely the cat’s meow. What? Too corny? —By Rich Knight | Nov 19, 2011


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This entry was posted on November 22, 2011 by .
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